


Hot n Cold

by bestofASL



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Praise Kink, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:12:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19213891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestofASL/pseuds/bestofASL
Summary: So when the other children in his class were asked what they wanted to become when they were grown up, Hyunjin didn’t answer fireman or policeman like the other boys his age did. Hyunjin said that he wanted to dance.





	Hot n Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all :D. 
> 
> So I was finally able to write my first english story (this one here). This is also my first Stray Kids story, so please bear with me XD. And my first smut XD - a lot of firsts, I know XD.  
> Before I explain a bit I want to thank the dear [Spriingflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower) for betareading for me and making this readable :D. I owe you one XD.  
> So, if you find this readable (or maybe even good?) it's thanks to her :D. 
> 
> Okay so things I wanted to say before we start:  
> 1\. This is a canon compliant to the survival show. It's not 1:1 the same but similar, so please bear with me.  
> 2\. This might be angsty at times but please bear with me, it will be fluffy too :D.  
> 3\. I basically couldn't ignore the fact that Jisung and Hyunjin didn't have a good relationship - and this happened.  
> 4\. These are just my "assumptions"/headcanons I blame nothing to be true. For this stories sake I chose the progression to be like this :D.  
> 5\. This is also inspired by Katy Perrys song "Hot n Cold" which I do not own.  
> 6\. I'm sorry if I annoyed you and wish a lot of fun while reading :D.

Hyunjin was 6 when he saw someone dancing freestyle in public for the first time. The moves of the older boy, who was wearing a loose grey hoodie and washed-out jeans, captured his attention almost immediately. Hyunjin’s eyes were fixed on the smooth and precise flow of movements the approximately twelve years older boy performed. Hyunjin’s jaw dropped when the boy made a flip in the air to end his performance. He had never seen anything like that before, but it looked super cool.

Hyunjin doesn’t remember much after that. But he knows, that he let go of his mother’s hand and ran to the boy to talk to him, to tell him that he was amazing. 

Hyunjin didn’t get to see much of the boy’s face because his mother caught his hand and dragged him home after that incident. 

The one thing Hyunjin couldn’t forget though, was the boy’s smile. It was a smile that represented freedom, how Hyunjin understood years later. At that time he just saw the joy behind that bright smile. 

So when the other children in his class were asked what they wanted to become when they were grown up, Hyunjin didn’t answer  _ fireman _ or  _ policeman _ like the other boys his age did. Hyunjin said that he wanted to dance. 

  
  


So when Hyunjin finally started dancing years later, he loved it. In fact he loved it enough to dance in the streets every day after school. Of course it wasn't the same as standing on a stage but it was something at least.

In the beginning it started as a way to revolt against his strict parents. But both parties knew that Hyunjin was stubborn. So finally, after a few months of resistance, his parents stopped caring. Not in a bad way. They seemed to have finally accepted his passion. Hyunjin didn't know exactly what convinced them to let him dance, but he was happy like this.

It could've been his youth - he should be able to make mistakes and learn, grow - his stubbornness, his small but loud audience. Maybe even a mixture of all these options.

But Hyunjin was happy.

Dancing in front of people he didn't know and would never know on a personal level. Of course, some people pass Hyunjin by without even looking in his direction. But the people who do look at him stop almost immediately, captured by his precise, sharp but at the same time seemingly effortless and smooth, elegant moves. It is when the song in the background stops, that they seem to awaken and clap loudly, drop money into his black cap he had positioned in front of him. At first it always caught Hyunjin off guard, he flinched but now he was used to it. The applause was always good. Standing in front of people felt good. And his small revolution against his parents did Hyunjin good, he gained confidence through the positive responses.

He was really happy like this. But something was lacking, somehow. Hyunjin didn't feel complete. Hyunjin’s smile still wasn’t like the boy’s with the grey hoodie. 

  
  


It was a few days after that when he realised what was missing, he couldn’t do it alone.

It seemed like a normal day. His audience today was really small though. It could be blamed on the Monday, most people didn't like to leave their house on Mondays or they were still at work. But that didn't stop the dancer. Hyunjin still gave his all for his small audience and maybe a bit more.

He noticed that at the end. When he wiped off his sweat with his towel and sank to the ground, he noticed that his thighs hurt. But thinking about the positive reactions today made him smile and forget his pain slightly. If he would have to describe the pain in his thighs it would be a strong, rich red. Burning hot on his nerves like a fire. The cheers on the other hand would be a cold white-blue, almost like snow. They soothed the burn and cooled him. 

He must've been in such deep thoughts that he flinched when someone sat down next to him. That someone wore a black hoodie and dark jeans, the ends of his curly hair that Hyunjin could see poking out from under his black cap were dyed in a light grey. But what gave him away was his bright smile - two dimples visible at the corners of his big, warm smile - and the cut in his right eyebrow. 

When he recognised the boy, he relaxed a bit and brought a small smile to his lips.

“Thanks for always joining.” Hyunjin smiled genuinely. 

He had seen the boy in his audience a few times already but hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to him and thank him because he always left really fast - seemingly in a rush, except for today.

The boy snickered, he sounded warm and reassuring. “You deserve it, man! You did great! You dance freestyle, right?”

Hyunjin’s cheeks reddened slightly at the praise, he nodded. The boy's eyes lit up at this, they were as warm and reassuring as his voice, almost like a dark brownie you could eat with milk.

It was what he asked next, that changed Hyunjin’s life forever.

“Ever thought about joining an entertainment company?”

  
  


So that's how everything really started.

Hyunjin was now a trainee at JYP entertainment and should become a member of Stray Kids. And the person who helped him to get there is the founder of their group, Bang Chan. That might be the reason Hyunjin has a good relationship with their warm but strict leader. He saw him as the older brother he had always wished for. Chan might get angry at them sometimes but always apologised and treated them to food after as an apology. Making sure to treat them like equals and not subordinates. 

Stray Kids, in general, kind of became his friends in the short amount of time Hyunjin got to know the members. Except for the one person Hyunjin didn’t like. In fact, he kind of hated him.

That person was Han Jisung.

It might sound harsh but believe it or not, you get to know someone fairly well when you train the whole day with them, sleep in the same room as them after endless hours of rehearsal, eat with them and feel the same amount of anxiety and pressure, because everybody in the group knew that they could get eliminated at every possible moment.

But maybe that was also why he hated Jisung.

Jisung was a brat. He was loud, annoying, selfish, reckless and didn't think about others. He also wanted to be praised for everything he did and lacked attention.

But worst of all, despite everything terrible about him, he was blessed. Blessed with looks and talent.

This boy could write deep lyrics as if it was the easiest thing he had ever done in his whole life, as if he had never done something else. When they all worked on a song together, Jisung would always be the first one to finish. Sometimes he'd even overshoot and write more than the needed amount. Chan would read over them but he never really criticised anything. On the other hand, Hyunjin would always be the last to finish his lines, which he put his heart and soul into but would always end up having to change something.

It just wasn't fair. He knew Chan didn’t do it on purpose but it still kind of hurt to have the things criticised he actually believed to be good and was proud of. It was slowly suffocating his inner flames of passion and confidence.  

So why was that brat who didn't work hard, blessed with everything he lacked and had to work hard for? Why didn’t his flames extinguish a bit like theirs did?

  
  


Hyunjin had entered JYP in the hopes of finally becoming a dancer. That's also what happened. But even Hyunjin knew that dancing alone wouldn't be enough to be an idol. So he practised rap. It was difficult at the beginning, but that was okay. After all, Hyunjin gave his best, he gave it all he had. He worked on his flow, rhythm, breathing and pronunciation after having it pointed out to him by Chan and the others. To describe it in other words - he was feeding his small flames with dry wood. 

He had to go to school but even on the bus he would listen to difficult raps and mimic them silently, his full lips never stopping for long, afraid to reduce the warmth of his fire. 

He would practice with a thick pencil between his lips and front teeth to get a clearer pronunciation. In other words – Hyunjin practised day in and day out, day and night. Just to get mediocre results.

Jisung, on the other hand, would sleep in and get scolded by Chan for missing practice but he would always still be able to rap and sing his parts with just some corrections from their leader. He delivered good results and nobody seemed to care about the rest, except for Hyunjin. It annoyed the living hell out of him and he didn't even know why.

Hyunjin just wanted to beat Jisung in his natural habitat.

So he asked Changbin for help. Befriending Changbin had been relatively easy. The boy seemed cold from the outside at first, but Hyunjin realised fast that he just wasn't good with words. Changbin was actually really cuddly and warm in contrast to the cool vibe he gave off, so they got along well.

After including his daily rap sessions with Changbin in his schedule, Hyunjin saw slight improvement in his rap. Changbin was a genius when it was about rap, after all. It fascinated Hyunjin. Even though the older didn’t seem to breathe once between a rap, his flames stayed burning hot. If he could just become a little bit like that, the other members might be pleased with him once.

So Hyunjin continued practicing. And his pronunciation was on a good way to become better too, it seemed.

It was becoming better.

But after getting criticised again he lost confidence and had to almost start from scratch again, his flames were reduced to small red embers. 

The pressure took everything from him. It almost felt like a blackout in the middle of an important test you shouldn't fail under any circumstances but failed anyway because you forgot everything due to the high expectations on you.

Now that it was announced that they could be eliminated till their debut in a few months, the pressure skyrocketed. It was visible in everyone's face. Even on Jeongin’s, their youngest who usually tried his best to hide his feelings and stay strong so he wouldn't sadden or worry anyone while everyone fought their own problems and internal struggles. Jeongin always tried to keep his cute smile on his lips no matter what, even if he had to fake it. Hyunjin thought that the younger was really strong for his age. He still helped him when needed so the youngest didn’t feel left alone. 

Hyunjin felt understood with his worries and fears.

Jisung was the only one who lacked that expression and it annoyed Hyunjin massively. How could he be so calm and confident?!

  
  


A week later Hyunjin finally snapped when Minho was eliminated. He hadn’t gotten the chance to get closer to the handsome, cat loving boy who liked to store his clothes in bundles. As fellow dancers they got along well but they had a really superficial relationship. Hyunjin was still trying to figure out Minho’s humour - he liked to use a lot of sarcasm - and the amused shine in his eyes when they tried to give him a small hint to understand the true meaning behind his words, when Minho was eliminated. Hyunjin didn’t even know why, but before he even realised it, he was hugging the boy tightly to his chest. Hyunjin didn’t comprehend why he was crying and Minho wasn’t. 

Minho must’ve been stronger than him at that time. 

When he looked at Minho’s back while the boy was packing his bundles in their dorm, Hyunjin promised himself that the remaining members would debut to make Minho’s efforts not go to waste, no matter what. He couldn’t let the other’s warmth been for nothing. 

The next two nights after the elimination Hyunjin still couldn’t sleep well. 

So his eyes were really tired during practice but he still noticed the choreographic mistake Jisung had made and didn't even bother to cover up.

Hyunjin had enough, he snapped.

“You should improve your dancing”, Hyunjin almost spat after the rehearsal. “That was a big mistake. You could’ve been eliminated. Like Minho”, he added.

Jisung fixed his big eyes on him, they could almost pierce through him. Hyunjin's heart might have increased in pace due to that.

“I know, Chan already pointed it out to me earlier. Won't do it again", he murmured and drank from his bottle while looking elsewhere. Jisung appeared even tinier than he already was.

Hyunjin felt satisfaction surge trough him, but a tiny little bit of sadness also nagged on him from deep inside. He didn't know why.

“But you really need to work on your rap, Hyunjin”.

Fuck the sadness, Hyunjin wanted to kick him in the face.

His blood was boiling with anger.

“First be able to dance and then talk to me, egoistic trash”, hissed Hyunjin.

“What did you say?!”

No need to say that Chan and Woojin, the oldest and the calmest member jumped between them and separated them. That didn't stop their incoherent childish shouting and insulting though, which just annoyed Hyunjin and Jisung more.

Hyunjin knew their outburst was probably due to the huge amount of pressure they all felt after losing one of them, but it seemed that there was something more. Something he couldn't point out yet.

 

That day marked the beginning of their small war.

Both of them hung on the other's lips and movements like a dying man. Just to see a small mistake, a failure to point out. Which they did.

That didn't help their conflict at all. Fighting fire with fire was really dangerous, after all. But it brought them small satisfaction to see the imperfections of the other. Hyunjin also felt a small surge of sadness every time Jisung sank into himself like a lifeless sack of potatoes but he abandoned that thought to the deepest place in his heart and brain. He didn't want to think about it. Same with Jisung's sad face after being insulted. When Hyunjin hurt him too much his eyes would lose all their light and sparkles which could normally be seen. Jisung wouldn't even counter. He would just look at him for a while, blank expression on his face, his eyes unreadable. The normally passionately burning warm boy would lose all its fire and become cold like a corpse, every sign of life seemingly lost. In that state, Jisung would silently go and sit in the next best corner with his earphones. 

His music was loud enough to hear for bystanders, suffocating every train of thought at the very root. Jisung would hug his legs like a small, frightened child at night without his parents at home. Trying to feel warmth, trying to keep his body warm. 

Those were moments when Hyunjin felt the sting in his heart, almost as if someone was stabbing it with a sharp knife. In moments like these, Hyunjin too became silent or faked cheerfulness so the others wouldn't notice.

A few days later everything would go back to 'normal', they were professionals after all.

Their fights didn't really interfere with the other’s training so Chan pointed it out to them alone a few times and talked with them separately but that was it. Chan’s expression would always be unreadable at times like that, Hyunjin didn't know why.

 

It was when Hyunjin woke up with shaving cream on his face a few days later that he took the rivalry to the next level. If Jisung wanted this, he would give it to him.

They pranked each other regularly after that.

Hyunjin’s favourite prank was filling Jisung’s shampoo bottle with a cheap girl shampoo. Jisung smelled like a pretty flower for the next days and Hyunjin had to hold his belly, laughing at Jisung's sour expression after leaving the shower as if he’d eaten a center shock. His face burning hot with anger and embarrassment. 

Jisung got his revenge in the form of overspiced food and eggplants.

After that Hyunjin sneaked into the shower and poured a whole bottle of shampoo on Jisung's head. Lucky for him, the boy always closed his eyes while showering so he didn’t see him. 

The cute surprised squeak was worth it. 

Hyunjin meant the satisfaction to prank Jisung was worth it, of course. 

And maybe the good glance at Jisung’s body. 

The boy was really starting to bulk up after the criticism on his dance and strength.

  
  


And much more pranks ensued the next days after that.

Hyunjin wanted to confront Jisung about his soaked notebook when he heard the mentioned boy speaking with someone in the living room. Hyunjin hid and held his breath.

“I know that he's being childish right now but at least you should act more mature. Please, Jisung.” Chan's normally warm and soothing voice sounded tired. It was true that he slept less these days because they were behind with their schedules. But this was the first time Hyunjin realised the extent of harm from their small pranks. The other members had been suffering without them even noticing. Hyunjin felt bad. The sting felt different this time but he felt bad and sorry. He apologized to everyone mentally.

At Jisung's sigh Hyunjin listened again.

“Got it, leader. I'll try my best but we both know how stubborn we two can be.”, Jisung sighed. Hyunjin heard something that sounded like hair being ruffled, he could envision Chan's relieved smile while ruining Jisung's dark chocolate brown hair.

Hyunjin might have heard Jisung saying something like : 'I won't lose to him though' under his breath. He shook that thought off.

The next days were peaceful. They didn't prank each other and the members could relax mentally, at least a bit. In fact Hyunjin and Jisung didn't even talk to each other anymore the atmosphere around them as cold as the poles caps. 

The silence and concentration was odd during practices. Not that the members really minded it. But something was still off.

  
  


Hyunjin and Jisung avoided each other as good as possible. 

Hyunjin became friends with Changbin and Seungmin. The daily rap sessions with his cool Hyung bonded them together fast. Hyunjin liked Changbin’s honest and uncomplicated nature, he was easy to be around. Seungmin was similar. The younger boy was generally calm and pleasant to spend time with because of his quiet, understanding character. But when he talked about photography or idols he looked up to, he resembled the welcoming, homelike coziness of a puppy that was happy to see you again.

Next to them, Jeongin also seemed to like him. Their youngest seemed glued to Hyunjin after his attempts to help him even if Jeongin didn’t have the courage to reach out for help. When Jeongin was homesick Hyunjin would empathise and cuddle with the younger to contribute him some warmth. 

Jisung, on the other hand, befriended Felix fast after the freckled boys failed attempt to buy him a chocolate cake for his birthday. He had been really deft about it, asking what Jisung liked when they started to warm up with each other. When Jisung promised to return the favour the bubbly boy smiled brightly, his warmth challenging the sun. So Jisung became friends with the warm, friendly, big hearted and pure boy really fast. Chan was also really close to Jisung thanks to 3Racha, the subunit they had started a good while before the whole survival show stuff. They went together like rice cakes and spice. Chan was allowed to either hug Jisung tightly and warmly like a father or to smack his head lightly like a brother when he made a mistake. Jisung let him do because he liked and respected him.

And the same could be said for Changbin. The older would sometimes hold Jisung in a headlock to tease him but he still loved his smaller  _ brother _ . When needed, Changbin would fight people for Jisung without batting an eyelash - with his strong arms or his sharp chin. 

Minho had also been drawn to him almost immediately after finding out that Jisung liked cats. Jisung had been listening to his stories with interest. Minho had given him bonus points for being able to hold his cats apart and name them correctly. Jisung had been the only one in the whole group to completely understand Minho’s weird way of thinking, as if he was his soulmate. When Minho had to go Jisung had lost a really important person he could talk to and who understood him without ever judging him. Jisung had felt left alone. 

 

Everything seemed fine again a week later but something was still missing somehow. 

The longer Jisung and Hyunjin ignored each other now, the more awkward it got. Hyunjin felt cold, mentally and physically, he didn't know why. The cold was creeping into his body and he couldn’t stop it.  

This continued until Hyunjin really caught a cold and had to stay in bed to cure his fever. To catch up with the others for his lost training he decided to visit their training room at night.

He was surprised to see that the light was still switched on deep in the night, he could see it through the windows and the door crack.

When he arrived, he pressed his ear to the door and listened. He could hear the rhythmic, squeaky sound of rubber soles on the training floor. Finally, he opened the door.

Hyunjin was surprised to see Jisung practising in front of the mirror. He had expected Chan or Felix, who normally made additional training. 

The squirrel like boy must've been practising for a while now, the room smelled like him. The fruity, sweet scent mixed with a hint of coconut and sweat took away Hyunjin's breath. Almost hypnotised by Jisung's moves he watched the boy from afar, almost too scared that he would stop. Jisung and Hyunjin danced differently. Jisung danced smoothly and fluently, but with less fire than Hyunjin. He didn't radiate as much power, strength and heat as Hyunjin did. Jisung's style of dance was normally soft and warm, kind of. It was as if every move had been connected by the smallest of movements to leave no space between the figures, rounding everything up perfectly. Like an honour student would. It was cute too somehow? The way Jisung's small nose scrunched up in concentration made Hyunjin smile. The boy could almost drown in his oversized blue hoodie, Hyunjin bit his lower lip to keep quiet. When their song ended Hyunjin cleared his throat and Jisung flinched when he finally saw him in the mirror. Hyunjin grinned coyly.

“Been practising for a while?”, he grinned while walking to the windows and opening one. Jisung growled at him - as scary as a squirrel would be - which made this just funnier, Hyunjin’s grin remained.

“Chill. That's not something bad.”

Jisung’s expression changed from ready to fight to confused. His flames taming themself to calmness. 

“Your execution is though. You made the same mistake I told you about before.”

At that Jisung hissed like a darting flame, which made Hyunjin laugh.

“I could show you how to do it, if you want?”, Hyunjin offered while shrugging his shoulders.

“Why would you?” Jisung looked sceptical, he didn't believe him. Hyunjin shrugged his shoulders again.

“If you don't want to, I can practice alone too...” Jisung sighed in defeat, Hyunjin grinned.

First Hyunjin tried to explain the move verbally and by showing it Jisung again, but that didn't help. He still made the same mistake.

Hyunjin finally sighed and positioned his hands on Jisung's waist defeatedly. His waist was still absurdly tiny, but firm thanks to his training. Hyunjin banned that thought far away. Jisung’s small gasp thanks to the unexpected gesture was also forgotten. Hyunjin guided Jisung and corrected his hands into the right position for the choreography. That was when Jisung finally relaxed in Hyunjin's arms and let him do.

When Jisung looked in the mirror again he saw that he finally got the pose right. He tilted his head back so he could look at Hyunjin.

Jisung smiled - brightly. That was the first time Hyunjin had seen Jisung smile at him. Not to mention because of him. It was a pretty and cute smile. Jisung didn’t have dimples like Chan or Jeongin did but he had a cute crooked front tooth and his smile was so big and bright that his pink gums were showing to contrast his white teeth. His smile was challenging the sun like Felix.  

Jisung’s big hazelnut coloured eyes finally sparkled again. They seemed to scan his expression for a while, long lashes opening and closing slowly, looking fluffy like feathers. Hyunjin felt that Jisung had looked at his lips for a millisecond before the boy found his words again. His smile had been slowly shrinking while scanning Hyunjin’s face, his focus shifting from happiness to Hyunjin’s features. His body was heating up at Jisung’s gaze slightly. 

“Thank you”, Jisung whispered against his face. 

And it was now that Hyunjin realised how close he was to those squishy, plump, strawberry coloured lips. Jisung's breath was faintly hitting his face in warm puffs.

He caught himself wondering if they tasted like strawberries too. Jisung had a slight sweet tooth so it was possible. Not as strong as Felix, but he still liked sweets. Hyunjin could bet he tasted sweet and warm.

Hyunjin cleared his throat and removed his hands from Jisung's tiny waist as if he had burned himself on an oven.

“No problem.”

With that they trained separately until they took turns in the shower and went to sleep.

  
  


They carried this awkward atmosphere with them for the next few days, their group members also felt that something was odd. And they've had enough of it.

“I know you both didn't start out well to begin with but could you please try to talk with him again, Jinnie? Jisung is actually a good guy, trust me.” Hyunjin knew that expression. Changbin made that aegyo when it was the last option he had. His wobbly lip and sad doe eyed face.

Hyunjin sighed and ruffled his soft black hair, he pouted.

“Not that I could force you to do it, but please consider it, okay? I already talked with Jisung about it, too.” 

With a slightly worried grin Changbin ruffled Hyunjin's hair softly and winked before he left.

Hyunjin sighed and pulled his red hoodie over his head, opening music on his phone, drowning everything else out after an exhausting training day and the following rap session with Changbin.

  
  


Nobody could have expected it but Felix was eliminated two days after that. It caught them all off guard. They stopped breathing the moment they heard that someone was going to be eliminated again, praying not to be that person. When Felix’s name fell, Hyunjin hated himself for being slightly relieved that it wasn’t his own name. He hated his brain for that ambush, anger about himself flooding him. 

He walked over to Felix and hugged the quietly sniffling boy to his chest tightly, crying into his shoulder in remorse and regret. 

“I’m sorry”, he mumbled repeatedly into the friendly, warm boy’s shoulder. He didn’t know if it was because of the anger that he had been relieved or that he couldn’t hold his promise not to lose anymore members after Minho’s elimination. Felix buried his own face in Hyunjin’s shoulder too after that. 

The goodbye with Chan and Jisung was heartbreaking to watch, Hyunjin had to look away after a bit and wipe his tears with his thumb. 

They were crying, clinging to Felix as if they could keep him with them that way. Chan and Jisung had been Felix’s best friends next to Hyunjin and Jeongin and Changbin. The boy had actually built a close relationship with everyone of them, his social and empathic nature drawing people to him. 

When Felix packed his suitcase Hyunjin was sitting next to Seungmin on his bed and watching Felix’s back while mentioned boy silently wiped his eyes with his sleeve. It was as if Felix had packed a bit of everyone’s warmth in his suitcase, taking it with him. Nobody would make jokes anymore, the furious tipping on consoles would also be gone. 

The atmosphere during practices was similar to a cold room. Coincidence or not, it was raining for the next days. The sun couldn’t be seen in the sky.  

 

It was when he saw the dark circles under Chan’s eyes, a hollow expression in the normally brownie like warm eyes that he questioned why they still did this. Why did they continue to suffer? What kept them moving forward?

Hyunjin’s insides were burning to keep him warm but his outside fought against it well, cold as ice. Hyunjin felt hollow. His body moved during practices, his nightly rehearsals and the rapsessions with Changbin but he didn’t know why anymore. His dream of becoming a dancer, of debuting with this group, had been moved away from him even farther now. None of them knew if more of their friends would have to leave or not, maybe they would even have to leave the group themselves. It was all written in the stars. 

But no. Hyunjin had invested too much effort and emotions to back out now. He had been through too much to chicken out and press  _ replay  _ like Felix would have done if that would’ve been possible in real life. 

He also had the promise after Minho’s elimination to keep himself going. They wouldn’t lose more members, Hyunjin wouldn’t let that happen. 

He also couldn’t shake off the boy’s smile from years before. He would achieve that one day, he just needed to endure till then. 

Hyunjin punched the wall in the training room, his teeth crunching. He slid down the wall and held his face in his hands. Nobody would judge him if they were dampened with warm tears. 

  
  


He couldn’t let anything disturb the others anymore! He needed to talk this out with Jisung so they had their full strength and wouldn’t lose more members. 

So when Jisung entered the training room for his (their) nightly revisions, Hyunjin had already been there leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. He had noticed that Jisung’s mood and performance had suffered the most. It was understandable after losing two of his closest friends on their way to achieve their shared goal that his thoughts seemed to drift off to somewhere else. Jisung’s habit to flinch had also became worse over time. This together made him more human, more approachable to Hyunjin. He could finally understand him better. And now that he could understand him better, Hyunjin started to care and feel bad for his actions. 

When he noticed Hyunjin, Jisung immediately lowered his eyes to the floor and laid his bag on the ground, attempting to silently rehearse like they always did.

They didn't talk with each other but they were both there nightly, they couldn't leave or didn't want to leave due to stubbornness. But today it would go differently.

“How was your day?”, Hyunjin asked, scratching his head awkwardly.

Jisung’s head shot up confused, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Same as yours? We’ve been together the whole day after all...”

When Jisung tried to continue his practice like nothing happened, Hyunjin grabbed his arm.

“You know what I mean.”

“What's wrong with you today? First you start talking with me and now this?” 

Hyunjin shrugged his shoulders. “Trying to initiate small talk, I guess?”

“You're not really good at this, are you?”, Jisung asked sarcastically.

“You're making it more difficult than it needs to be!” 

Hyunjin was slowly starting to get annoyed. It was always like this with them.

“Oh really? It's me? Well thank you for reminding me that I'm the problem. I’ve always been the trouble, after all. I knew I should've left...”

The thud of Jisung's back against the wall and the shock stopped him from continuing his sentence.

“What the fuck are you saying?!” Hyunjin shouted into Jisung's face which seemed to be pained, both physically and mentally. “Nobody would've been happy if you would've left us. Everybody would miss you, moron! Especially after already having lost two of us!”

Jisung’s eyes widened. He looked at Hyunjin, surprised at what he heard.

“What?”, he breathed quietly.

In the moment Hyunjin saw Jisung making himself smaller, his eyes scared and wavering. He eased his grip on Jisung’s upper arms and softened his voice.

“Your talent would go to waste that way, like theirs did. Nobody would want that, obviously. Not us, not Felix and Minho.”

“Even you?” Jisung’s eyes looked at him curiously.

Hyunjin growled but his voice had no edge to it any more, finally he sighed. “I guess we should finally clear this up. I don't like that you are almost perfect in rehearsals without even trying. You are too talented and can do everything you are asked to without much difficulty. On the other hand, I always do my best, work the hardest I can and don’t do as good. Also Chan always agrees with you, he even praises you sometimes. But he always corrects me, even in times where I think I did well. Do you know how awful that feels?” Hyunjin laughed sarcastically. “Of course you don’t, sorry. But yeah. Basically that and your bratty, easy-going, strong, seemingly unafraid behaviour annoyed the shit out of me. I could've spat in your face at every chance I got.”

Jisung shrank smaller under his hands, not fighting back like he normally did. Too shocked at what he heard.

“But the boy I was jealous of was actually a self-conscious wimp without self-esteem who practised behind everyone's back to not worry us. He especially lost himself after losing two close friends, his mind during practice everywhere but in the moment. Making mistake after mistake. And he was seemingly perfect? Give me a break!” Hyunjin held his face with one hand, leaning on the cool wall for footing, his shoulders shaking with a mixture of a laugh and a cry. His world was crumbling to pieces in front of him, like a broken mirror. All the moments where he had hurt Jisung just because of a stupid misunderstanding were crushing down on him all at once, he got nauseous. Hyunjin felt cold. As if he’d left his jacket at home in winter, thinking that it wouldn’t be that cold outside. The cold crawling under his skin all the way to his bones. 

Jisung who didn't like the silence found his voice back.

“You thought I was perfect? Talented?”, he asked carefully.

Hyunjin was still hiding his head in his hands. Jisung’s voice had the same effect as someone with warm hands slowly warming up his freezing hands. The first contact with heat hurt his cold hands, stung even but after that he felt cozy warmth invading him slowly. 

Suddenly, Jisung’s body shook under him, a small laughter could be heard which got louder gradually. It was Jisung’s genuine, real laugh. A small sob hidden in it though. It was as if Jisung had pulled - a little moist with snow - beanie over his head and ears. 

“This shit is not fair! And I thought I was jealous of your looks and talent.” Jisung broke out in laughter again, leaving Hyunjin confused.

“What do you mean?”, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“When you came into JYP you made fast progress with your rap. And now that you've said it, you must've worked really hard for that. And when you became good so fast I got really scared. I had done this for a while already and didn't get better after a certain point. I thought I hit my limit already and you still had a lot of potential. I silently admired and hated you at the same time. I could ignore you for the most part though. But when we were put into the same group I freaked out bad and shouted at Chan. This way I was forced to be with you and see how you progressed while I would be stuck on the same level even if I practised alone at night. Everybody would compare us and I would've been left behind, not good enough again.” Jisung narrowed his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Sorry, my bad habit came through. Either way. I was jealous of you too, okay? You would catch up to me in no time, maybe even surpass me and I wouldn't be seen as a good rapper anymore and that freaked me out - seeing all my efforts go to waste was a nightmare. You could also dance really well, while I'm still struggling with dance even now. And you have your looks, it’s a perfect package! The fans seemed to love it, too! Do you remember when they first saw us and you got the loudest cheers? They instantly loved you.

Chan was strict with us all, but he knew that there was the most pressure on you because of your status as visual and your character to get frustrated easily. We've all seen him like that. I wanted to punch him a lot of times in 3Racha already. But he's just doing his job, he’s doing it to protect us. I’ve been a really proud and showy person, but after seeing so many talented people I landed on my face, my world crumbled to pieces. Especially when those talented people got eliminated. I became frightened and tried to laugh it off to not complete lose my mind. Have you heard 42? There's a reason for-”

Hyunjin had enough.

He clashed their lips together to shut him up.

If Hyunjin was right and Jisung felt the same way he did, this was the only right action at the moment. Hyunjin leaned back in the blink of an eye, his eyes scanning Jisung’s face for his reaction.

His dark, characteristically shiny and bright eyes - which reminded Hyunjin of the coffee he always drank in the morning to survive the day - were slightly widened and surprised but there was no obvious negative reaction to be read from his expression. Just something that could’ve been interpreted as the feeling of fighting and making up and a little bit of surprise. A feeling they both knew now. Jisung looked at him warmly. Hyunjin’s insides warmed up slightly, as if someone had finally given him a warm jacket. 

Jisung didn’t look at him like a stranger, or as if Hyunjin was a bad guy. But most importantly his eyes still shined brighter than the stars and didn’t look pained. Hyunjin couldn't stand that pained expression, it made him want to punch a wall (or himself, mostly). Jisung’s cute, small nose stood in contrast to his widened nostrils affected by his increased breathing. His soft but slightly chapped lips were pursed, almost as if to invite him in for a kiss again. Hyunjin knew that his own lips were probably coloured strawberry red too now but he didn't care. He wanted to taste more of Jisung’s sweetness. It made him happy somehow, his heart warmed up. For the first time in a while he felt this warmth in his heart again after having been separated from his dog Kkami and his family. He found that he liked and had missed the feeling.

“C-can I?”, he whispered finally. 

Jisung’s eyes that had been travelling between his lips and eyes for a while now stopped at his eyes. He bit his lip and nodded.

“Please.”

Hyunjin brought their lips together again. This time way softer and slower, added with Jisung kissing back the feeling was more pleasant and reassuring. Through the slow kisses they've been exchanging for some time Hyunjin could taste the sweet taste of Jisung’s lips and he wondered if the inside of his mouth tasted the same. He slowly licked at Jisung’s lower lip, giving him time to think and deny. But he opened his lips slightly and their kiss grew in intensity. He really tasted the same, just more intense and warm, more  _ Jisung _ added to the taste. If he would have to describe the feeling, Hyunjin would probably compare it to a crab being cooked in warm water. The heat was slowly starting to consume him, luring him in into the depths of the pot. Drawing him to Jisung, an exit nowhere to be seen. 

Hyunjin didn’t fight it, why would he? This was too good to fight it. 

Jisung started to mewl into the kiss, Hyunjin took this opportunity to pin Jisung against the wall again, with his whole body this time.

He wouldn’t fight it, he would just drag Jisung into the heat with him instead. He held his small, soft face in his hands carefully and appreciated the way his squishy cheeks felt in his hands. His hands slowly drifted into the soft locks of Jisung’s dark chocolate hair, Jisung’s hands got lost in Hyunjin’s soft black hair too. When the kiss heated up even more and they had to break apart for air, Hyunjin used his chance and positioned his right thigh between Jisung's legs, the boy shuddered and moaned in response. Hyunjin smirked and dragged his thigh against Jisung’s crotch, Jisung’s small moans turning him on even more. His blood was boiling in his veins at this point but Hyunjin didn’t care. If he was done for, this would be the way he wanted to perish. 

That being said Hyunjin focused on Jisung’s face next. He kissed his forehead, nose and cheeks lovingly with butterfly kisses. The soft touches tickled his lips and he found that he enjoyed the feeling and Jisung seemed to do the same. He chuckled cutely, turning his face away from the tickles. After giving his lips a small peck again in which Jisung leaned to get more, he separated and dedicated his affection to Jisung’s cheekbones, he kissed down slowly. When he got to his throat, Hyunjin got more aggressive and bit Jisung sometimes. He didn't want to leave hickies, his goal was just to tease Jisung, make him feel this overwhelming heat with him. At which he seemed to succeed judging by Jisung’s squirming under his plump, happily giving lips. Hyunjin played around, changing the pressure and places of his affection constantly. After quite a bit of alternating nibbling, licking and kissing at his throat, neck and collarbone Jisung must've been quite worked up, he ground against Hyujin’s thigh. So often now that it couldn't have been by mistake, Hyunjin grinned.

“It's so hot watching you fuck yourself on my thigh”, he whispered into Jisung’s ear while laughing softly, his voice dripping honey and hot smoke at the same time. A quiet moan escaped Jisung at that. Hyunjin’s grin couldn't be bigger as Jisung whimpered hotly, his face a deep red. 

“S-shut up”

Hyunjin chuckled harder, getting closer to his ear again and nibbling at his earlobe.

“You seemed to like it though.”, he pouted, faking disappointment. 

He was referring to the twitch he had felt on his thigh. Jisung groaned and hit Hyunjin’s arm annoyed. They laughed together at that. 

Suddenly Hyunjin’s eyes sparkled with an evil gleam, looking at him as if Jisung was his prey. 

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.”, he breathed against Jisung’s neck. Too close but not touching him.  

Resultedly Jisung looked at him confused. 

Jisung’s breathing hitched in anticipation when Hyunjin’s lips touched his ear again lightly.

“Wouldn’t you touch yourself for me? Show me how you touch yourself thinking about me? Show me how to make you moan like a bitch? How to make you shudder and squirm under me while you’re screaming my name like a prayer?” Hyunjin’s voice had minimized the honey, all Jisung heard right now was hot smoke and a dare just he could understand. His insides were burning up, in contrast to the cold wall in his back. Sending more sparks straight through his body. Hyunjin should have known better though. Jisung wouldn’t lose that easily. 

He laid his head back against the soothing wall while whimpering with emphasis. His expression was pure sex. Breathing heavily, his chest moving up and down with rigor as he bit his lip, dragging his crotch against Hyunjin’s thigh. Hyunjin moaned deeply. 

“Help me strip?”, Jisung asked, feigning innocence. 

When Hyunjin groaned shakily and buried his head in Jisung’s shoulder, Jisung knew that he had won for now. 

When Hyunjin’s fingers danced at Jisung’s shirt hem he looked deep into the darkened hazelnut coloured eyes.

“Is this really okay?”

“Yes, it is.”

It would be an understatement to say that after that Hyunjin ripped Jisung’s shirt from his body in the blink of an eye. He also couldn’t help but kiss his chest lovingly over Jisung’s fast beating heart. After Jisung’s complaints Hyunjin removed his own shirt too. He didn’t need it anyway, he was burning hot thanks to that little tease. The summer heat was no match for this. 

Hyunjin looked at the chest in front of him, it was slightly different from his memories. It was less weak and fragile, the working out had made it more firm and strong. But the growth of Jisung’s arms surprised him the most. So much that Hyunjin wouldn't have been opposed to have the younger pinning him down and having his way with him. But that was for another time, maybe. He better shouldn't spark Jisung’s confidence too much in such short time by saying something like that.

“I did my part. Your turn my little bitch”, he purred, anticipation rising. 

Jisung’s slightly flushed red lower lip wasn’t moving for a second before he exhaled a deep breath. 

“To be clear: you’re not touching yourself or me during this”, Jisung clarified, a devious glint in his eyes, voice daring. He could play this game too.

Hyunjin gulped surprised, nodding. He didn’t know that he would regret this decision in just a few minutes. 

Jisung started slow. He brought his forefinger to his lips, tracing the soft lines of his strawberry red, plump lips. He kissed the tip of his finger softly, a smile on his lips. His hand drifted lower after that, sliding teasingly soft over his cheekbones before continuing their journey. The tips of his fingers slid over his throat teasingly, sliding lower to his collarbones that he traced lightly. Hyunjin began to get impatient, his blood boiling with want. Jisung was so close but not close at the same time. When the boy finally cupped his pecs Hyunjin’s breath hitched, his concentration solely on the boy. Jisung whimpered as he massaged his pecs, squirming slightly. His hot breath was hitting Hyunjin’s face but he had promised not to touch him even if he stood this close to him. Jisung’s eyes closed as he dragged his palms against the muscles under his hands, catching at small nubs sometimes which made Jisung shudder and roll his hips. Continuing this for a while Jisung must’ve had enough, he licked his thumbs and circled his areola in smaller getting circles, dragging his thumbs over his nipples. When he pinched and dragged at them carefully his head thumped against the wall in bliss, his mouth breathing small moans. Enjoying this for a while his left hand continued it’s work while his right hand smoothed over his abs, tracing their lines downward till he arrived at the v of his hips. Jisung’s hand laid flat over the bulge in his light jeans and applied pressure, moving up and down in a teasing way. 

When his moans grew in volume and neediness Hyunjin’s hands twitched to touch him but he tried to control himself. 

But when Jisung bucked into his hand whimpering : “Ah, Hyunjin”, mentioned boy’s self control snapped like the lever of an electric kettle. He hit Jisung’s hand away and kissed the boy with full load of passion when Jisung whimpered in loss. He wiped Jisung’s small frustrated tears, kissing his cheeks softly.

“You did amazing baby, so good”, he praised into Jisung’s ear, kissing the shell softly. “But we don’t want this to end this fast, right?”, he asked carefully, a warm smile on his face. Jisung hid his face behind his arm due to the embarrassment but nodded. 

Hyunjin kissed his cheek softly again before kissing his way down to his chest. 

“So good for me”, he breathed against Jisung’s soft, warm skin. Making the boy shudder and gulp down a moan. 

Hyunjin took his sweet time exploring Jisung’s upper body. The same way Jisung had done. He found out that the boy was really sensitive and responsive. Jisung’s breathing was ragged behind his arm, he arched his body into Hyunjin’s direction to get more of his teasing touches, demanding and pleading at the same time. When Hyunjin took his sweet time kissing and circling his nipple with his tongue, dragging his teeth against it carefully and pulling, giving the other one attention with his hand, pinching and dragging over it and switching sides - Jisung had enough.

He grabbed Hyunjin by his arms and switched their position, which caught Hyunjin slightly off guard. Jisung quickly kissed the perplexed boy against the wall passionately before looking in his eyes. The colour of his eyes took away Hyunjin’s breath, it seemed to liquify and swim in his iris. The heat and lust melting it, like Hyunjin. His body was melting through all these teasing touches and watching, burning slowly but so painfully sweet. The cold wall against his back contrasted this. It felt as if Hyunjin had fallen into a pool on a really hot day, sending chills through his body. This situation really felt as if Hyunjin had fallen. But it felt good. It felt good to fall into the heat and cold and let himself fall into the depths of Jisung’s beautiful eyes. 

Jisung searched for consent and Hyunjin nodded.

“Please”, he whimpered. 

That was all Jisung needed to discard Hyunjin of his boxers and sweatpants at the same time. He did the same for himself.

Jisung grabbed Hyunjin’s erection and pumped up and down slowly, testing what Hyunjin liked. 

“Naw”, Jisung purred. “So hard for me already, huh?”

He dug his thumbnail into the slit carefully and Hyunjin arched his back. Jisung grinned satisfied and spread the precum for a better glide. Swiping his thumb over the head occasionally after a stroke which made Hyunjin whimper and squirm the most. Increasing his testing, he grabbed them both in his hand. Jisung tried doing that at least. His struggles outweighing his success. Hyunjin who seemed to understand, picked up his idea.

“You’re not the one to talk”, he exclaimed with ragged breathing, spreading Jisung’s precum on the boys dick before sliding them together. Jisung screamed when Hyunjin grabbed them both in his hands and thrust into his hand. The friction was wonderful. 

“Please”, Jisung begged high pitched. 

And Hyunjin granted, speeding up his movements. Finally, Jisung came with a high scream on his lips, biting into Hyunjin’s shoulder to stay quiet. Hyunjin bit into his lower lip and orgasmed shortly after that. 

“Holy fuck.” 

They laughed when they noticed what a mess they had made. They looked at each other and nodded in sync. Hyunjin ran into the small room next door and brought a mop to clean the floor while Jisung opened the windows to let fresh air in. 

This would stay their small secret. 

  
  


Now that the sexual tension had been relieved and they've talked it out and came to understand each other, they realised that they actually went well together. Jisung had always been the cuddly type but had not been able to really live it out freely whereas Hyunjin had always been down for hugs and cuddles. When they had days free - which was really really rare - they almost instantly agreed to watch one of the dramas Jisung wanted to see. Both enjoying romance and the younger’s suggestions. In difference to real life. In reality they still rolled their eyes when their hands touched in the popcorn bowl, that cliche just too chewed out already. But they always laughed after moments like that, followed by a small, warm kiss. Calm times like these they enjoyed the most. But also their members seemed to have calmed down and became happier now that the tension between the two was relieved. They were all just happy that they still had each other. After two losses they were just happy about everyone they could keep.

This should change one day. They had heard of a present for them but they had no idea what it would be. 

So when they saw Felix and Minho on their doorstep their eyes bulged as if they had seen an alien. Changbin was the first one to react and hug Felix, closing him into his protective, strong arms. Hiding his face into his neck. Jeongin ran to Minho shortly after, jumping onto the older like a happy child. Relief and happiness was flooding his face, his genuine smile returning after a long time. Minho chuckled and patted Jeongin’s back, calming and comforting the boy. 

Woojin was next to hug both, giving them a big warm bear hug of happiness to see them. Followed by Seungmin who approached them attentively, as if he could wake up from a dream every second. But when he hugged Felix and the boy didn’t dissolve into smoke, he buried his head into his warm neck and sniffled, his hot tears dampening the material but neither of the boys cared about that in that moment. Felix kissed the crown of Seungmin’s puppy brown hair softly and stroked his back continuously. Minho continued to calm the boy in his arms, hugging him close affectionately. When Hyunjin and Jisung had also realised that this wasn’t a dream, they ran to them. Hyunjin closed Felix into his arms, he stroked the other boys back while laying his head on Felix’s head softly, Felix hugging him back tighter. Jisung couldn’t even hug Minho first, too busy bending forward and crying warm waterfalls, overwhelmed with relieve and happiness. Finally, Minho approached him and hugged him to his chest groundingly, stroking his back calmingly and ruffling through his soft locks. After that they changed members and finally the leader could hug them. 

Chan’s shoulders were shaking while he hugged them at the same time, his face sandwiched between theirs. He laid his head on their shoulders, hugging them tightly like a father would. As a finish he pulled them separately to his warm chest and ruffled their hair scoldingly but soft, sniffling. 

They were back home again. 

  
  


Jisung and Hyunjin trained harder at night to make it up to the others and to achieve their dream of debuting together, because it wasn’t determined yet if Minho and Felix could really debut with them. The other members also surpassed their limits. Their shared dream burning just too hot through their veins to stay still. 

They helped and supported each other better than ever, now that they had seen how attached they had become to each other. It was as if they had become a big family. And they would protect their family. 

Passion, their dream and their family made them move forward and surpass new, higher limits. 

They still argued a lot but just about the superficial stuff everyone discussed and fought about. They made up after that pretty fast, everything went back to normal like they were used to.

They were professionals after all.

And it could have been said like this: 

All the hardships might have been worth it in the end, it seemed.

 

“Congratulations. Stray Kids will debut as 9”.

And this stage had marked it. Hyunjin and his family had finally accomplished their dream, together, all of them. 

They hugged each other on the stage, the happiness just too overwhelming. It was like a dream and they still couldn’t believe it.

When Hyunjin looked into the smiling faces of his best friends, they blurred with the dancer’s smile years before. When Hyunjin touched his lips he understood that his smile was the same. He had finally done it, he had achieved freedom. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for bearing with me till here :D.  
> Comments, constructive critism, kudos or every other form of feedback is greatly appreciated :D.  
> Who got interested could follow me on instagram (or twitter) under this name or "let'smeetatdistrict9" for fanfiction material if wanted :3.


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